I had an "aha" moment recently– an uncomfortable flash of insight that revealed the thinking concealed behind my seemingly innocent offer of “help” to a friend.
This friend was venting in frustration about a problem. And uninvited, I served up a "you should “ on a platter. Why did I do that?
Because I believed I knew, better than she did, what was best for her. Pride was lurking behind my advice’s innocent façade, and the discomfort I felt was exposing it.
And, since logically speaking, false premises lead to wrong conclusions, my decision-making on her behalf could never be superior to her own. Not only might it lead to a worse outcome for her if she embraced it, but more importantly, it denied her a life-giving process of empowerment through…
being deeply listened to;
being deeply understood;
being deeply believed in;
being deeply emboldened in her own decision-making;
and, being deeply celebrated for her choices towards her own growth and maturation.
All because of a deceptively simple “you should…..”
So, next time you are tempted to chart another’s course, consider "unfriending" unsolicited advice and choosing to empower instead.
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” A Chinese Proverb
Comments